Six sessions in

A Non-event Type of Event

This past week I received the first treatments of proton beam radiation. On a cellular level, this is a REALLY BIG DEAL. A small, hard to reach area, deep inside my head, on the base of my skull near my brain stem (where the tumor used to be) gets a focused bombardment of radioactive energy determined to kill any and all remaining cancer cells that dare to stay inside of me. The beam of energy originates in a particle accelerator buried deep underground and surfaces with the sole intent of annihilating hard to find cancer cells. The parts of the tumor the surgeon couldn’t excise out of me with his hands and his steel tools, the radiation is determined to destroy.

On a human level however, this is a super chill experience. My wife and I walk into a very nice waiting room with water, tea, toys for kids, and even two massage chairs. The person at the front desk offers a warm and friendly greeting as I scan my card (MGH gives me a card with a specific bar code that brings up all of my radiation specific information) to let the specialists know I am here. My wife and I usually wait a few minutes in the cozy waiting area before I go back to the room where the radiation is administered. In the room I lay on a table with a mask on so my head doesn’t move, and then the radiological technicians administer the radiation in the exact place they need to from a separate room. They put on some music and then I lay there while a mechanical arm hovers over me and administers the radiation. The mechanics of the robotic arm make a little bit of noise, but most of this experience is basically just me laying still on a table with a plastic mask on me head (so I keep my head in place) while I listen to one of my favorite albums. There is no pain, and aside from the mask on my face, I really don’t feel anything. All in all the whole process lasts about 40 minutes. I even dozed off one time during radiation this week.

This juxtaposition is notable. Getting radiation is, for my health, a major milestone. This will hopefully prevent the tumor from ever returning. Hopefully, this will be the closing chapter in this cancer experience. This is also a huge deal for my family. My wife and dog have relocated themselves to Boston for two months to support me while I do this. I cannot tell you how incredibly grateful I am for their support and for uprooting themselves, so that (if I need it) I’ll have someone to take care of me. We are basically taking a hiatus from most all of our normal activities so that I can get beamed once a day. Getting radiation is also, a tremendous achievement of science. This technology is not only going to kill the cancer cells in my head, but it is going to do it in a way that is less invasive and less damaging than other techniques like chemotherapy. This is however, also one of the most mundane things I do everyday. I have described it to my family as “a non-event type of event”, slightly more interesting than laying on the couch and listening to music.

My wife and I in the waiting room - I will ring the bell when I am officially done with treatment

There is a chance I could develop some fatigue as the radiation continues, but for now, I have normal amounts of energy, so my wife and I are leaning into this experience. I have to give my wife a lot of credit here as she has really pushed for us to get the most out of this time in Boston as possible. We are exploring our new neighborhood, we are trying to find a local bar we really like, eating a ton of Boston specific cuisine (mostly seafood thus far) and we are exploring Boston and Cambridge by car, on foot, and via the T, while bringing the dog to as many places as we can. We are treating this a little bit like studying abroad, engaging as much as we can with all of the local stuff and exploring just for the sake of exploring.

Boston as I walked from Cambridge to our apartment yesterday

I am glad we are approaching it this way. Not only is it fun, but this feels like a bigger deal for me. This whole experience with cancer has been pretty difficult and making each day in Boston has allowed me to feel better about the whole thing. I can accept the miserable parts more easily because they led to this fun stuff. So far, a week in, this has made the overall experience feel more like a big deal and something to celebrate. If I was doing this while living at home, it would basically be a nuisance. I’d have to fit in radiation before going to the grocery store and taking the dog to get a bath. But here, everyday feels a little bit like a new adventure. My hope is that this leads to me feeling some sense of resolution as well as finality when the radiation is actually finished. Hopefully my energy keeps up, but because of this approach, my mood is as joyful as possible.